I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
