I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
