Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
