I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Randomize
