god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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