I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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