his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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