oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
