wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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