You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Sorry about my life...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
