im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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