Little spoons don't ask big questions
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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