I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
