Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
