I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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