She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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