did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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