So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
