They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
