Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
