can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
