You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
