One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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