I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
