Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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