He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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