Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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