Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
