Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
