Fuck appropriateness.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
