East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
