I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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