I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize