I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
