i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
