I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
