OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
