I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
