The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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