You're so nebulous sometimes
zippers are such a cool invention
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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