some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
