The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Operation Purity has been aborted
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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