Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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