i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
