I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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