I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
