So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
