I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Randomize
