Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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