so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
