Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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