there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
