It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
