You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
