Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
