I wish I only lived at night.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
